I can say with almost near certainty that the only thing I ever really knew that I wanted to be was a writer.
For a long time, I didn’t know whether I’d ever want to be a wife, or a mother. I didn’t know whether I’d want to be a dog owner. I didn’t expect to become a runner. I certainly didn’t expect to become a cancer survivor.
But a writer? That was always in the plans.
My professional work has taken me largely away from writing — at least the kind that involves cadence, and strong verbs, and parallel construction that I can be proud of. (Yes, there are those crazies out there among us who really like parallel construction. Mrs. Greeley would be so proud of who my 8th-grade self became.) Now, during the day, I write budget narratives and strategy papers, but rarely compelling stories with a beginning, middle, and an end, and good quotes sprinkled throughout.
That’s OK. I’m still proud of how I’m using my writing and editing skills at work, now more often to help the rest of my team with their writing, which is interesting and rewarding, too.
It’s OK, too, because I have this blog, which has become a place for me to exercise my voice — MY voice, not edited by 10 other people, or constrained by corporate rules, or tidied up and stripped of emotion. It’s been an important outlet for me over the last year and a half.
Lately, though, I’ve been wondering what to do with the blog. I have lots of ideas for entries, but I’m not sure whether they rise to a level that other people want to read. Is it just an exercise in online navel gazing, like (too many) other social media outlets? And if that’s true, should I just shut it down and go back to journal writing? Or should I go bigger, and finally allow it to show up on search engines, and write for a broader audience?
I’m not sure what to do, or where this will go. But I read a post tonight, Occupy Blog Street, from one of my favorite blogs, that reminded me that even if my blog isn’t on a bunch of other blogrolls or top 10 lists or getting hundreds of hits a day, it’s still a worthwhile endeavor as long as it feels that way.
I needed that tonight. So I guess I’ll stick around for now…at least until the end of budget season.